Friday, April 24, 2009

ultimate nerddom

I had a dream that I wrote the most PERFECT and short blog entry, just in the nick of time before I left for my LARP (we'll get into that later, but start snickering now). Whatever I wrote, it was witty, insightful and relevant... to what I'm unsure. Here, in waking hours, I have no frigging idea what I wrote about.

ALAS, as I squander the time I should be using to shower, get decent and trek to my parent's house to find last season's mask, I sit and drink a Pepsi, reveling in the upcoming excitement! It's LARP weekend!!!

If you are unsure of what a LARP is, it is Live Action Role Playing. The ultimate in nerddom.
Typically four times a year (three this year.. boo) we gather at Camp Piomingo to indulge in fictional storylines and lives. Not once this weekend, from 10pm Friday until 6am Sunday will I be Cary. Nor will I sleep at all Saturday night.

I would love to post more, but with out witnessing the continuation of the storyline, I have nothing more to add. Sunday, however, you will get to see the few images I will take and hear a smidgen more about my nerdiness. Whether you're interested or not, or just really want something to laugh about, you'll have it soon.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

jesus christ!

So, here we are. Easter Sunday. The day Jesus was risen from .. wherever the hell he was.. after being crucified by the Romans for being a heretic. There was blood, grief, man-panties and a dramatic sunset. Probably a few crows and vulchers. Just guessing.

Somehow that translates to baby bunnies, chics, lambs, colored eggs and pastel decorations. Wait, what?

Ostara is the pagan celebration of the renewed fertility of the earth. The halfway point between the beginning of the year (Samhain/Halloween) and the next year. This was celebrated with bright, "spring" colors, decorating eggs and using baby animals as a sign of birth and renewal to example the earth's birth and renewal after a cold winter.

Tell a Christian this and if they were your friend, they probably aren't after you explain it. Goddamn ignorant sons of bitches... YES, early Christians stole pagan/Wiccan holidays and implemented their own ideas and beliefs of their god into them. Hence, how we go from Jesus dying on a cross after being tortured for hours to fluffy rabbits and candy!
SOME ONE explain to me how the Christians can continue to celebrate the day their god was risen from the dead and let their children go on egg hunts on the same day! Can they also tell me where the ideas for such things came about?? Did JESUS decree that because he was risen, we should celebrate with baby animals and eating hardboiled eggs in THANKS? OH GEE! Thank you, Jesus, for dying for my sins, though I never really had any until your followers decreed I had any. This basket of Cadbury eggs is for you!

And I'm going to eat them, slowly, pretending they're your followers.

Friday, April 3, 2009

i has a bubble

Subway is my default, go-to lunch when I forget to pack one.
I don't know WHAT was going on, but I can only assume that of the two sammichers that were working today, one is a total douche.

During the noon to one lunch rush, I stood patiently awaiting my foot long fantasy. I stood behind a woman who turned around and smiled at me. I genuinely smiled back as we shared that moment of "Mmmm... we're about to get our sub on." The line inched forward slowly and as the douche, or man, was adding cheese to the polite woman's six inch wheat sammich, he walks away. The douch, or man, and the older woman working had been exchanging words. Words that I was ignoring.

I should have paid attention. The man was gone for nearly ten minutes while that poor, flat, little wheat sammich laid cold on it's wax paper bed. The woman feverishly rang up the two customers in front of us and ran back to the abandoned sammich, apologizing for our wait, or weight. Skinny broad...

The man returns and washes his hands. The woman bitched him out as I chuckled softly yet loud enough to be heard within earshot. He may have bowel problems or is still pissing out last night's alcohol, though no excuse is acceptable to abandon an order like he did.

Now, while all of this is going on, I'm standing by the beginning of the first glass case. An older gentleman, probably near 55 or 60, continually shuffled closer to me. I shuffled myself a little further down. He shuffles closer yet again. I do this two more times as does he. I still don't understand why he felt the need to so eagerly stare at the meat and cheese selections, as though he had never seen such an array of the same, stale flavors Subway has had since it's debut.

At this point I've lost my patience (which doesn't take long... it took perhaps 2-3 minutes). I turn my head to the old bastard and snapped, "Jesus CHRIST, do you drive like that, too!? Back off!"

With out even making eye contact with me, he shuffled his decrepid ass backwards and continued to stare into the plain of slaughtered delights.
I really do try to avoid having to snap at strangers, but it usually ends up the same. I huff and attempt to show them the error of their ways, like a rattlesnake hissing and... uh... rattling. And after a few moments of unacknowledgement, I break like a tree branch....... and stab them. Proverbially speaking, of course.